Thursday, April 7, 2011

Lunch with strippers

Yesterday ended up being a pretty good day! I was at work, in my super inappropriate Charlie Sheen t-shirt  because I wouldn't be seeing anyone other than the guys I work with, (and they don't care) when Jordan decides we're going out to lunch. Well, A. I am at the mercy of everyone else so when someone says let's go out, it's like WOOHOO! And, B. Nice surprise in the middle of the day. (even better when it's a "Boom Entertainment lunch" so it's on the company--WINNING!) C. Oops. Inappropriate t-shirt and now I was going out in public.

We all get into the cars and head over to Moretti's, but not before printing out our $10 coupon (thanks, David for the reminder!) We pull into the parking lot, and there is not one car. Are they open?? Yes, they are. Ok, weird.  We walk in (after a small disagreement about whether or not we are parked in a handicapped spot--as it turns out, we weren't but we moved anyway) and Jordan says, "all the waitresses here are also strippers". Um. Ok?! Do I really care and more importantly, do I want to know why my brother knows this? Then he says, "all strippers smell the same. they all wear the same perfume." Again--why are we discussing this?? There's no hostess to greet us. The place is really empty but all the TV's are on.  Finally, this girl with awful teeth (but I could totally see her being a bad stripper) tells us we can sit wherever we want. Oh, the choices! We sit down and wait several more minutes before some dude brings us menus.  I notice there are lunch specials for $5.99 but they go from 11am-2pm. It's 203pm. But we were in the place before 2pm. Not my fault no one wanted to help us. So Jordan asks the stripper if we can still get the lunch specials and she says ok.  I guess she must be used to just saying yes to whatever guys ask of her when she knows tips are involved.

We all order and I'm watching the Cubs and Sox both play sucky baseball. (even though the Sox ended up winning yesterday) Jordan and Devin are watching America's Funniest Home Videos and laughing their asses off. Seriously. I am not really understanding why it's so funny to watch people who purposely videotaped themselves in the year 2000 falling down. After that show ends, there was some show on with girls in bikinis wresting and riding horses at a rodeo and guys doing stunts and really getting hurt. These 2 are laughing like they have never seen things like this. Dave (the video guy--I'm sure he prefers a more professional name instead of me calling him "the video guy" but, roll with it) and I were confused as to what was so funny.  David (our warehouse manager) kept talking about strippers and Heavenly Bodies and and how the girls that work there really aren't strippers because they don't get naked. Isn't Heavenly Bodies a strip club????

And while all of this is going on, we all have our phones out and we're explaining Words With Friends to Devin, who has never played before.  (BTW, I suck at this game!!! I cannot beat anyone!!!!!! My player name is KFK76, for anyone interested in taking me down)

The stripper brings our check. She lets us use our $10 coupon with our $5.99 lunch special-SCORE! Jordan pays our bill. Inside the bill is a card to fill out to get another $10 coupon so Jordan has me fill it out (I see another company lunch soon!) and then gives the stripper David's phone number on the check.
We get in the car to go back to work and what comes on the radio in Jordan's car? A radio show discussing strippers and how if you strip 1 day a week, you might as well strip 8 days a week. You can't just be a part time stripper. You either are or you aren't.  Good to know.