Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Blueberry Coffee, Benny & The Saint

Yes, Blueberry Coffee. Steve stopped at Dunkin Donuts for me this morning on the way to work so I could get my fix. We had been discussing my blog for today and how I didn't have much in mind other than to write about Steve's parents...he agreed to me doing this. I got out of the car and walked inside.  I ordered my usual. (XL coffee, extra cream and 10 Splenda...don't judge me.) A woman walks in behind me and orders a large, black coffee with blueberry. WHAT?! Who adds blueberry flavoring to coffee?????? Even the woman working behind the counter thought this was weird and said, "large, black coffee with SUGAR?" The woman repeated she wanted blueberry. I look up at the menu board, and sure enough, blueberry is an option. Since when is this an option, and more importantly, WHY is it an option??? As Steve pointed out, it's like saying, I am too lazy to eat a muffin (insert your own joke) so just add some flavor to my coffee. GROSS!

So, as I mentioned earlier, this blog will be about Steve's parents, my favorite inlaws.Yes, they are my favorite. Why? They never criticize me. They never criticize me as a wife or as a mother. They don't criticize my home or how it is kept. No discussions of how I should be doing "X" or "Y" with the kids or why I shouldn't be doing "X" or "Y" with them.  I never have to worry about seeing their number flash across the caller ID on my phone or TV. This is because they are deceased. And, they were long before I met Steve. I mean no disrespect, first and foremost. It's just that anyone who has inlaws, even if they have some magical, wonderful relationship with them, still has issues with those said inlaws.  But with this marriage, I have escaped that. (Although, in exchange, I ended up with a FUPA (a.k.a. Jabba the Hut), and that is WAY, WAY WORSE than any inlaws. Ever. Hands down.)

Steve has described his parents to me, in detail. I have heard wonderful stories of Benny, the "swordsman".
(don't even ask what this means, but if you have an imagination, I am sure you can come up with some reasoning for this @@) Even moreso, I have heard stories of Florence, the "Saint". Yes, the Saint. Steve swears up and down that his mother was a Saint. The woman did no wrong....ever.(Except, for the box of love letters from a life long before she met Benny that are in a box in Alan and Sharon's home. (Steve's brother and sister in law) I won't go into further detail of these letters, as I have not read them myself. but from what Sharon tells me, they're pretty hot and from a guy in Mexico. This is a button pusher with Steve. He wants to hear of no such discussion. The Saint was pure and innocent and there, in his eyes, was no one before Benny.

 The Saint loved her sons and tolerated them destroying her home, embarrassing her in public, breaking neighbors windows, phone calls from school about inappropriate behavior and even the police.  She allowed girls to spend the night and parade around her home in their wife beater t's and panties and cook duck eggs in her kitchen.  She'd cook separate dinners for each boy if they so pleased because she just wanted them to be happy. Benny was against it, but she did it anyway. Why? Because she loved her sons.  (Is anyone sensing that I get lectured on this often?) The small detail that gets left out a lot, was that the Saint was "deaf".  Steve says she went deaf in one ear and wore a hearing aid in both. My guess, and of course it's just a guess and a presumption as I never met the woman, is that she turned those hearing aids off by choice.  That is the only way I could see her putting up with all the bullshit that went on in her home. She just didn't hear any of it--BY CHOICE. I would love that choice. If I could "turn off" all the yelling, fighting, screaming, non-sense, and other crap in my house, I probably wouldn't yell or raise my voice at anyone either. I'd just go about my merry way. But, I sure as hell wouldn't play short order cook or allow whores to parade through my house.  I have to draw the line somewhere. Benny and the Saint, thanks for such a great son. From my understanding, his nickname was the "absent minded professor" as a child. So, clearly his ADD has gone untreated for sometime. Would've been nice had you two taken care of that. Would've made my life a hell of a lot easier in some ways.  But, I know, way back when, doctors didn't treat these issues. And let's face it, Steve is way older than me. I hope you two are smiling down and at least get a little chuckle out of this. And remember, in my mind, you two rock!


  1. I love that she now has the name FUPA!!!

  2. Regarding blueberry coffee, LL Bean sells the stuff now. I can't smell it through the bag. Good story!

  3. A wonderful tribute to Steve's parents. I'm sure if they were alive, you would have had a great relationship with them. After all, his mother's name was Florence. You can't beat that. lol