Monday, April 21, 2014

I'm Such a Bitch

"I know, I know....I stood up for myself, I'm such a bitch."

I pinned a picture that said that last night on Pinterest.  I love Pinterest. I really do.  It's addicting. I pin all sorts of pictures of how I'd like my home to look, recipes I most likely will not make, jewelry I will never own and lately, lots of quotes and inspirational sayings.  This particular quote was from  If you haven't checked out the website, I highly recommend it. They have all sorts of sarcastic and funny cards for almost anything you can possibly imagine.  This card struck my fancy.

I'm a non-confrontational person. Always have been. I don't like fighting face to face with people. (unless you are really special lol) And, while I don't like to confront, I do believe in standing up for myself.  Yet, I also believe in being the bigger person.  Sometimes, it's hard to do both.  At what point, do you decide to be the bigger person? After you have done your best to defend yourself? How do you really know when you've done your best? Do you let it go and  become the bigger person, or do you continuing fighting? How do you know if it's worth fighting for?

I think over the last year, I am finding more of my inner voice, my inner self. I've tried for so long to be the bigger person. (insert your own joke) I've tried and tried.  Sometimes, it has worked out for the best. In fact, most times it has. I guess Idina Menzel had it right--let it go.  But, sometimes, being the bigger person just bites you in the ass.

I think it depends on the other person(s) you are dealing with. What if the people you are fighting/disagreeing with are just assholes?  Because, let's face it, some people just are.  I like to believe most people are actually decent human beings. But, there are those people out there, who think they are better than everyone else, are more deserving, whose shit doesn't stink. (as my Bubby used to say) Normally, I'd say fuck it. They aren't worth it...take the higher road.  But, what if you just can't? What if you just need to say what's on your mind?  It might stir up some drama.....too bad...some things are just worth saying.  And, if you know, in your heart of hearts, that you are right, you have to stand up for yourself.  You have to.  You must be true to yourself because if you don't stand up for yourself, you cannot expect anyone else to.

So, you've stood up for yourself. And, somehow, you're the bad guy. You're the bitch.  Here's the mistake I made. I got bullied into thinking that standing up for myself was the wrong move.  It wasn't the wrong move.  I needed to say what I was feeling, what was on my mind. For all this time though, I was doubting my actions. I was wondering whether  I should've taken the higher road. So, I tried after the fact. I tried to apologize. I made peace offerings. And, all I did was end up looking like a schmuck.

It took me until yesterday to realize that I did the right thing by standing up for myself.  And, I am proud of myself for doing so.  I admit, it was a little scary at comes easily for some people. I wish it did for me.  Now that I've done it, gotten over that first time hump, I realize the fear and anxiety of it was worse than actually doing it. (like going to the dentist)

Life is too short to not be who you are.  So, I guess a bitch I'll be.

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