Sunday, April 20, 2014

Calm Down

Calm down.
Don't get so worked up.
Why are you so upset?
Do you have your period?

The above is a short list of words/phrases that have been said to me, and many, many other women, over time and never end well for the men who have said them. You would think, that after watching women get upset after being told and asked these things, men would refrain from saying them ever again.  However, they seem to repeat the mistakes over and over.

I decided to cook a nice breakfast this morning for my boys. The hubs is working since it is Easter. More often than not, he works Easter and/or Christmas so that those who do celebrate, can.  There is no religious school, no baseball practice, nowhere that anyone had to be today. So, I had this crazy idea that the 5 of us could enjoy some time together. It's a rare occurrence. I came downstairs this morning with my youngest, who was going to help me. I discover the kitchen table is not the way I had envisioned it to be. The boys swore up and down the night before they'd have it totally cleaned off after they ate dinner. HA! The garbage hadn't been taken out and my mixing bowls were missing. WHY?!?! So, I got upset. And, yes, perhaps I was yelling about it.  I believe the kitchen to be my space, maybe even the hubs space as he does cooking during the week while I'm at work.  And, when things aren't as they should be, I get a bit bent out of shape over it. I see nothing wrong with that. Apparently, I'm the only one on Team Kerry.  My youngest began running around, taking out garbage and helping clean up as the other kids who live here were in hiding.  Eventually, they came downstairs when they smelled food cooking. This, after I burnt some pancakes, spilled batter all over myself, and the floor, and kept tripping over the dog who wouldn't get out from under my feet.  The kids here think I cannot hear mumbling; the mumbling of the phrases listed above. I've explained to them, on more than one occasion, that no woman EVER wants to be told or asked any of those. That asking a woman if she has her period is probably the MOST disrespectful and rude thing that could ever come out of their mouths. And, that they should be prepared for the ramifications and consequences of them doing so.  For now, they tend to laugh it off. I'll be laughing later when they get things thrown at their heads by girlfriends or wives.

After I stood and cooked for them (they had been eating as I was still cooking) I finally sat down to join them, and they were finished.  I got a bunch of "thanks mom" and off they went.  Well, that was worth it.  As I sat eating, alone, my hubs texted asking how brunch was going. I told him all that happened, and how the majority of the kids here were pissing me off. He then asked me a question about a subject that we were not agreeing on. I got upset (notice the theme of the day) and he told me to calm down.   I texted back "calm down?"  He said, "you seem upset."  Yes, I was upset. And, yes he was quick to pick up on it. But telling me to calm down never bodes well. Ever.  It's ok for me to get upset, it's ok to yell sometimes, it's ok for me to get a bit worked up. What I have learned though, is that I can have these feelings, these mini outbursts, and then move on.  Hanging on to the feelings only aggravate me and ruin my day.  It doesn't change the fact that the comments are stupid and uncalled for, that it's never, ever ok to ask a woman if she has her period.  No vagina, no opinion-that's my philosophy.

So, I decided to relax, eat my burnt pancakes, alone, and made a decision to not cook breakfast anymore. From now on, brunch will be bagels and lox, something I can't screw up. This chick is a dinner only girl.

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