Thursday, September 8, 2011

Wow! It's been 7 WEEKS!!!!!!!

Hi everyone---if you are all still out there. It's been 7 weeks since I have posted anything. Life has been busy....and yet so not busy at the same time.

The boys and I took our giant trip out to Cooperstown for Andrew's baseball team. (Steve had to work.) It truly was an INCREDIBLE experience. It, essentially, is the field of dreams. They have built it and people come. My mom went with us (Thank G-d) and then we also spent some time with my bro and sis-in-law, Lance & Roya, which was really awesome.

There has been sadness. My BFF's son was diagnosed with a Wilm's Tumor. (childhood Kidney Cancer) He had surgery to remove the tumor and one was a success. I had to leave a few days later for Cooperstown. While I was gone he went into renal failure. It was so hard to be away knowing what was going on at home. He pulled thru! Had radiation treatments and is undergoing chemotherapy now. He's back in the hospital right now due to some complications from some of the chemo. He is such a sweet, strong, brave boy. He is on our minds CONSTANTLY and always in our hearts. He will pull thru this and will come out better than ever. I know it. I just hurt for him, his sister and his parents. No parent should ever watch this happen to their child. It's gut wrenching and there's nothing we can do to make it better. It just makes me really sad.

School is back in session. I now have a 7th grader, a 5th grader and 2 -2nd graders.  It's pretty hard to believe. My boys are good boys. They are healthy and strong and for this I am grateful. At the same time, they are infuriating and frustrating and I am seriously losing my mind. No joke. Last week at Curriculum Night for the 2nd graders, I absolutely thought Simon had one teacher, when in fact I was completely wrong and needed another mother to remind me who his teacher was. I was mortified.  The next day, I ran into Issac's 4th grade teacher. She asked who Issac's 5th grade teacher was. I just sat there staring at her. For the life of me, I couldn't remember the woman's name. My excuse: that Curriculum Night for Issac was the following week. This woman just looked at me like I was insane and walked away.  I tell people this story. They retort with "you have 4's too much to remember." I don't think that's it. I never forget these kinds of things. I don't know what's wrong.

I also have realized Andrew's Bar Mitzvah is now just over 10 weeks away. I feel somewhat prepared and somewhat terrified. I started going thru all of the pictures from the last 13 years for his montage. I just don't know where the last 13 years went. When I start to think of all that has occurred during that time, it just overwhelms me.

I also realized I am 35 years old and don't have a real career. I have jobs....and I love what I am doing right now. But. No career. Does it really matter? I never thought it did. Now--I'm not so sure. I feel kind of lost.

I'm also very tired of repeating myself non stop to the boys. No one listens or pays attention. I feel very taken for granted and taken advantage of.  (like most moms I know) Something needs to change. And, seeing as the kids most likely are not going to just shape up and start doing what's asked of them, maybe I need to change the way I handle them and the way I react to things.  I have a feeling no one is going to like it. It's too bad.  Don't get me wrong. I LOVE and ADORE my children.....but I am not a doormat or just here for their mere convenience.

Maybe I am starting a mid life it too early for one? Or, maybe it's early menopause? I know that can start around now. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I don't know how to make it better. I am far, nothing is working.

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