Yes, is tit in?

Yesterday morning, while sitting at my desk at work, I received a text from my father. This is what it said: "Yes, is tit in". My first thought was WTF???? But, I responded anyway."Is tit in??????" His response back: "Sorry, was thnkn u imeant tit0".  No--those are not typos....this is the way my father sends texts. I respond back: "Who it Tito??" I never got a response to this question.

My dad turns 63 this May. He's still a fairly with it guy (on the days he remembers to medicate) and definitely has a great sense of humor. To the people who do not understand his sense of humor, we simply tell people he has Tourette's ( no offense to the people who do in fact have this disease). For example, we could be in a restaurant and he'll decide to ask the waitress if she is a lesbian. A.--why does it matter? and B.--why would you ask?? and most importantly, C.--IS IT ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS?

My dad also does a lot of reading in the medical field. He says he believes in vitamins and things that are natural. For several years, he was on a big "it's good for your liver" kick. No matter what he ate or did, it was all about his liver. A few years ago I was having major stomach issues  (which turned out to be anxiety) but nothing would calm it down. My father suggested I drink cider vinegar and have some straight lemon juice to cure this. Against my better judgement, I followed his advice and almost dropped dead in my parents backyard. My father also doesn't believe in any diagnosis my siblings or I have received from any medical professional. My youngest brother needed a spinal fusion in 2009. My sister has Crohn's. (my dad says she needs tumeric and cumin, and let's not forget the cider vinegar. Cinder vinegar is to my dad as Windex was to the dad in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". It'll cure anything.). He also doesn't believe I have a seizure disorder. He truly believes that I had a seizure on my trip due to no sunscreen on my face, in combination with taking one non drowsy Dramamine daily throughout the cruise. This is no joke.

When my father speaks on his cell phone (that is, when he isn't washing it in the pocket of his cargo pants in the washing machine, or dropping it in toilets, or leaving it in heating vents of the trucks he rents out), he covers his mouth when he speaks. I only wish there was a way for me to illustrate this to you. It truly is the funniest thing ever.

As far as being a grandfather goes, my kids think he's the shit. They find him hysterically funny, they love whenever he speaks, he can cure Sunday night school anxiety and is always good to split a slab of ribs with. He's also great at teaching kids how to make spitballs. Sigh.