Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Day I Had to Give it Up

We came home from our fabulous cruise relaxed and somewhat tan. And, with a black eye. Apparently, when I had the seizure, somehow I did quite a number on myself. I twisted up my glasses and had a black and blue eye--the interesting eyelid was black and blue in such a way it looked like I had really nice make up on. Too bad I couldn't figure out how to get my other eye to look that way. I also had quite the sore tushy. My tailbone was absolutely killing me! And, believe it or not, I was pretty happy to see my boys. I really did miss the loud, crazy antics that go on here daily.

I scheduled an appointment with my internist (whom I LOVE) to fill him on the mishigas that went on. He ran a bunch of blood work, did a quick neurological exam and sent me off to a neurologist. 2 days later, I drove off to see the neurologist for my life altering appointment. I explained the whole history to him, blah, blah. He ordered a crapload of tests for me and then the news came. He was prohibiting me from driving until I was 6 months seizure free. Since this was the 2nd seizure, it was too risky to let me get behind the wheel. I walked out of the appointment, sat down in the hallway, called Steve and told him he had to come get me. Then, I sat and cried as I waited for him to get to Evanston and watched a ton of drug reps bring really good smelling food into all the doctors offices. There was definitely Chinese & pizza. Why do all doctors offices get these free lunches ALL the time??? (I mean, I know why, but why can't other industries get in on this??)

I went home, sat in my house and felt more trapped than I ever had in my life. Driving is everything to me. I am a bit of a control freak (enter laughter from those who know me) and take that away from me and I'm a mess. But, I made all my phone calls and scheduled all of my tests. Then I had to arrange for rides to everything like I do for my children. Thank G-d for my best friend, Tammy, my mother and my husband, Steve (even though I cannot stand his driving and if he and I survive the next few months of this, we'll survive anything).

I'll spare you all the in and outs of hospital shtick and waiting rooms and elctrodes stuck to my head for an EEG and a hockey mask over my face for the MRI. I'm sure you all know how super pleasant those are.

A couple weeks later, I'm back at the neurologist, via my mother, to discuss all the results and what the future holds.  The bottom line is, all of my tests came back normal. No tumors, no lesions, no brain bleeding, no heart condition, no nothing. I'm "normal" (BAHAHAHAHA). 50% of all seizure cases have no cause; apparently, this is a good thing because no one wants tumors, lesions, etc. Yet---I have NO ANSWERS.  Dr. Ryan, (not his real name), along with his nurse and I sit to discuss what this means. It means that now that I have had 2 "unprovoked" seizures, I am considered to have a "seizure disorder", a.k.a. Epilepsy. I find this to kind of be ridiculous, but what do I know. I ask the questions my father (who is NOT a doctor) insisted I ask: "Was this seizure caused from dehydration?" and "Was this seizure caused from taking Dramamine everyday on the cruise AND not wearing sunscreen on my face?"  I still wish I had a video camera rolling to show you Dr. Ryan's reaction to these most insane questions and how he fought back laughter to tell me, "NO!"  At this point, I am still waiting for him to tell me that since all my tests were fine he's going to lift the driving restriction. HA! No such luck. Not only that, he tells me he is prescribing anti-seizure meds that I will be on for the long haul. And, that there are side effects to the meds: some diziness, tiredness, and IRRITABILITY.  I literally BURST OUT LAUGHING and told him I am irritable on a good day. His nurse lost her shit and started laughing, he cracked a smile and went on to tell me that he believes it is a true side effect. I said I am moody ALL THE TIME (just ask Steve & the boys) so what is this going to do to me??? He said if I felt  I was being overly irritable (not in the minds of Steve & the boys) to let him know. And off I went , home again, home again, jiggity jig.

Today is the 2 month mark of me not driving......the longest 2 months of my life and I have been thru WAY worse over the last 6+ years. I am crabby, sad, and feel as if July will never get here.  I have no choice though....the risks are too great and I cannot take the chance of hurting my children, myself or anyone else. So-----bitchiness wins!!!!! At least this time, I have an excuse :o)

No comments:

Post a Comment