My Anniversary

2 years ago today, I underwent a Gastric Bypass.  It was supposed to be a one night hospital stay and then home to begin my "new life".  As many of you know, us Neuhausers don't ever do things the easy way. Apparently, we must be fond of hospitals and are hoping to one day have a wing named after us.  My mom thinks after all we've spent, the wing should already be in place.

Warning: this story will get gross. If you get grossed out, stop reading now. Seriously.

I've struggled with my weight all of my life. And finally, after many unsuccessful attempts, I needed something more drastic. So, under the knife I went.  (not really a knife, lol...laproscopic) The procedure itself went great! I was hardly in any pain afterwards. I have had 3 c-sections and a gallbladder removal, so this was like nothing. They were even able to use one of my gallbladder holes for this surgery. I was feeling totally fine....not hungry (so weird!) and was ready to go to sleep for the night. Steve and everyone went home. My mom stayed overnight. (We never leave anyone overnight alone at a hospital....you need someone to be your advocate in those places or you will get eaten alive.) They even brought her a cot--how thoughtful!

I dozed off but then, I started to lose my shit. (not different really from most days, lol, but something was wrong). I wanted to get out of my bed. I was connected to an IV and the wall and kept screaming and swearing at my mom and the nurses to let me out. They wouldn't let me up. I wanted to go to the bathroom but I had a catheter, so no need to. But, I really wanted to. So, I kept screaming and swearing. I think I dozed off again, and when I woke, my dad was there staring at me. Weird. Guess my mom called him to come back..she knew something was wrong.

All of a sudden, I thought I pooped myself. Told my dad. He thought I was kidding. I was totally not kidding so he ran and got a nurse. She came in, called for help...and they cleaned me up. A completely humiliating experience--let me tell you.  So after all that and fresh linens..all is well. For 2 minutes.  Then, it happened again.  My dad, again, thought I was kidding. I started yelling. Off he ran to get the nurses..again.  They changed the linens and cleaned up..again.  This went on a few more times. No one bothered to tell me that, in fact, I was NOT pooping myself. (Um, would've been nice) Rather, I was bleeding out. :o(

My doctor came in. (the doctor's understudy guy....I love him!) He started to force feed me ice chips after telling me earlier I could have one about every 10-20 minutes. I thought I was going to vomit. I felt SO FULL after a few ice chips. (so weird how that can happen). He told me I had to keep eating them in order to stop the bleeding. In the meantime, the main surgeon was en route to the hospital.  He came in, fully dressed in his sport coat, tie and cufflinks. Glad he was in no rush.  Told me they were going in to stop the bleeding. My blood pressure was almost non-existent at this point. And I know I kept saying that I had babies at home (I never refer to my kids as babies...it was odd) and that they couldn't kill me today. I was told several time to stop saying that by the doctors. I also asked to be cleaned up and was shot down. I asked if anyone called Steve. It was now 7am and the sitter was at the house. So my mom called him and he raced over. I didn't get to see him though. Then, a team of nurses came in..and I was wheeled off into an elevator to the OR. I kept repeating that they couldn't kill me. One nurse told me to pray---gee, thanks for the vote of confidence lady.

In the OR, the new surgeon introduced himself. How polite. I asked if I could be cleaned up before they began and everyone yelled at me NO. As it turns out, the ice did stop the bleeding. So while in there, they cleaned out all the clots and I woke up in the ICU. Things in there weren't so bad. The nurses pay tons of attention to you. Downside--my mom was stuck with a crappy chair to "sleep" in.

So...Friday rolls around..things seem better. My uncle Marlow comes to relieve my mom from her babysitting duties. She went home to sleep and shower. Marlow and I were chatting and he was timing my drinking of liquids. All was going well. The next thing I remember was waking up at about 4am on Saturday. Yes, Saturday. Apparently, around 1pm Friday, I had a seizure-a big one. They ran every test possible and all results were negative. They never found a cause. They were guessing due to the major blood loss and the trauma, that was what caused it. When I woke that Saturday, I was tied to the bed by restraints and again, I was yelling about wanting to go to the bathroom. My mom told me they didn't have one. Was I 2 years old????  She used to tell me as a child places didn't have hot dogs on the menu. Then I learned to read. Lying went out the window long ago.  In any event, again, I was super mean to the nurses...yelling and swearing at them and my mom. One nurse yelled back and told me to be nice to my mommy.  I had a central line in my neck which was super uncomfortable and a slew of other wires and what not. Sunday evening, I was returned to a regular room and Monday evening I was released. AH...but not to my house. Swine flu had hit and so I had to go to my parents house for a week. Steve visited me a couple times and was kept at a distance so I wouldn't catch his cooties.  He was running the house and all of the kids everywhere.(Issac was the only one who ever got really sick...the rest got sick from Tamiflu) Do you see a theme? Steve always gets the raw end of the deal.

After almost 2 weeks of being gone from my kids, after telling them I'd be gone 1 night, I went home. Needless to say, they weren't happy with me. But, they got over it.  Would I do this again? Absolutely. It was not a cure all. Everyday is still a struggle. I still have to make choices. I realized that I must begin working out now--which I HATE---but I need to do it. I am happy with how I feel now. My health is great--knock on wood. On paper, I look PERFECT, LOL. All my numbers are exactly where they should be. I am much happier with how I look. Now, to just tweak some things with the exercise. Hoping it works.  Onto another year!