Thursday, October 6, 2011

Not Meant For Mom's Eyes

Lingerie.  It kind of baffles me.  It always looks great on the mannequin or the Victoria's Secret model. On any normal woman, it looks kind of silly.  And, from my understanding, a lot of men just find it annoying and in the way.

It's always interesting when the mail arrives and there is a Victoria's Secret catalog. First off, I haven't shopped there in at least 15 years. Why I am still on their mailing list, I have no idea.  Secondly, I was once thrown out of a Victoria's Secret for having boobs too big to fit into one of their strapless bras. It was a humiliating experience. The sales girls were wearing Madonna like headphones as a way of communicating to each other throughout the store. I walked in and one approached me asking if I needed help. I said that I did. I told them I had looked online for a particular bra to go under a specific dress. They said they did have the bra in the store and asked what size I needed. I told the sales girl, expecting to be walked to that section of the store. Instead, she started talking to another sales girl and did so rather loudly on her little headset.  They went back and forth discussing whether they carried that size. Once the entire store knew just exactly what was under my shirt, I was then escorted back towards the door and told I may need to find another store as they did not carry anything for me.  I almost felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Women, except my legs aren't 44 inches long, I didn't have an unlimited credit card and I am not a hooker.

Even though the Angels of Victoria's Secret always look super beautiful in the catalog I receive for no reason, they aren't really human, are they?? They are filled with plastic and are airbrushed. If I was filled with silicone and had all my fat sucked out and tucked away, and was airbrushed, I too would look quite lovely.  It's not normal to have a 32DD on a woman who weighs 82 pounds. Why don't you weigh her boobs? They won't weigh enough. A real woman who has real DD's, her boobs weigh what they should. If you could put them on a scale in a produce store, you would see that.  If you attempted to weigh my boobs on a produce scale, first you would have to lift them off the floor. A crane would be needed and there probably isn't enough room in between the aisles of apples and bananas. So, you will just have to trust me when I tell you they weigh quite a bit.  It's also nice that these women wear matching bras and panties. Real women don't have time in the mornings to worry about it. Be happy we put on a bra that isn't all stretched out and panties that aren't grandma like.

As far as men go, (this is where my mom should probably stop reading) anyone I have been with, has not been a fan of lingerie. They claim they'd rather have nothing there. I always took that as a good thing. As I've thought about it more, there are two possibilities. A. This was their way of telling me I looked like a clown in the stuff. (Which I already knew and felt weird in. You need fake boobs in order to make the get up look the way it should. And a flat stomach....wish I also do not have...never did. OR. It's B. Men are too lazy to have to take the lingerie off! Men are lazy creatures. They will spend hours figuring out how to avoid doing something that would only have taken five minutes. Lingerie just gets in the way of what they are ultimately trying to do. Maybe it's a combination of the two. They like looking at the "perfect" women wearing the lingerie because they can pretend they aren't airbrushed. (And men still like to do most women.) And, it doesn't require any work on their part. seems like the answer to most of my questions is that men are lazy.  Somehow, I think I already knew this.

No comments:

Post a Comment